This article was co-written with Meg Shields.
So, first up, let’s whip through a status update on how we did the last time. First of all, the answer to our biggest question, “who’s gonna kill Cersei?” ended up being “poor structural support.” A letdown? Yes. But anyway, moving on: unlike Jon Snow, we ultimately did know a few things. Jaime, Cersei, and Cersei’s squad are all dead now. And yet somehow Grey Worm shockingly isn’t. Davos did do a thing—sneaking Jaime out of Daenerys’ camp—an act which has had shockingly little fallout thus far considering the precedent (see: Catelyn Stark, seasons 2-3). Fingers crossed the Onion Knight’s luck holds out for one more episode. Cleganebowl happened. As we anticipated, both brothers ended up dying. They went out together instead of Sandor lingering on after the showdown and having a chance to savor his Cadmean victory before succumbing to his wounds. He did, however, give Arya some edifying pre-Cleganebowl (d)advice about not following in his footsteps, as we thought he would. Can you say Father of the Year? (Because we can, and are—very loudly. Someone give this man a medal.)
Naturally, we goofed up plenty: we did not forecast Varys’ demise, the direwolves appear to be permanently sidelined, and Yara and the Dornish prince remain AWOL, although there’s still a tiny bit of time left for that to change.
In sum: we’re in the endgame now. Truly. This is not a drill. There is precisely one, and only one, episode of Game of Thrones left. And with that, let’s strap on our tinfoil hats one last time…
ALL THE DAENERYS FALLOUT
Varys will get the last laugh
Varys’ whole deal was being a messy bitch who lives for drama, and we bet a fair amount of his “Jon > Daenerys” tweets got out before he got executed. Who received said tweets? We’re not sure. Maybe that Dornish Prince that has yet to show. The (Dornish) Prince That Was Promised if you will.
There will be a re-creation of that vision from the House of the Undying
While we can’t say for sure that a whole lot of the Red Keep still stands, it’s not impossible that the throne room is still intact. At least partially. Daenerys came all this way to sit on that chair! She’s just burned a whole capital of innocents alive to sit on that chair! She’s not about to burn it up! The spooky warlock house showed Dany a vision of the throne room all ashy and exploded. Maybe having prophecy and reality collide will bring her to her senses?
Daenerys will get killed by Jon in some intimate way like a stabbing
Jon kills Daenerys with Longclaw, the ancestral Mormont sword that Jorah Mormont, Daenerys Targaryen’s #1 fan, told Jon to use to protect his family, etc., etc., etc. Brutally ironic? Most definitely, which is exactly why we’re expecting it to happen.
Jon will, as ever, will need a push.
And Davos is a pusher! Jon is probably the last person in Westeros capable of mustering a force capable of taking on Daenerys. So as much as being reluctant is Jon’s brand, he’s got that on his plate. Plus, this is Davos’ shot to back a good-hearted ruler for once (he tries so hard).
Grey Worm will cheese it
Somehow, we just can’t see Grey Worm turning on Daenerys. Considering Daenerys has got to go, we’re thinking Grey Worm probably does, too. We’ve already poured one out for this dude like 5 times, but this time we really mean it.
ARYA WATCH
Arya will see Gendry again
So, Arya Stark chose survival over vengeance and took her horse down the old town road (we’re sorry, but we couldn’t not make that joke), but what choosing life over death currently means for Arya is unclear. In season 1, Arya asked her father if she could be Lord of a Holdfast; in season 6, she spoke to Lady Crane about wanting to sail away to see what’s west of Westeros. Arya heading out on her own for yet another solo adventure seems a little contrary to the big focus on helping people/”the pack survives” mentality that has characterized her move away from vengeance. Considering Joe Dempsie still hasn’t worn that costume seen in a behind the scenes video several weeks back, Gendry’s definitely coming back next episode (where he was during the Battle for King’s Landing is, admittedly, unclear), and he basically hasn’t had a scene with lines this season that hasn’t involved Arya, so for him to suddenly in the last episode have an Arya-free arc would be decidedly off brand. That said, whether these crazy kids will work things out or it ends up being a more conclusive “farewell” remains very much on the fence.
Arya will team up with Nymeria on her way back to Winterfell
We’ve started adorning our tinfoil hats with fruit stickers at this point, but somebody’s got to. Maybe the Bran-Warg-Horse drops her off with the pack for safe-keeping. Or to restore her spirits after inhaling all those human remains at King’s Landing. Also, look, a direwolf-riding Stark facing off a dragon-riding Targaryen would be on-the-nose and goofy as hell, but at this point, it’s what we deserve.
MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE RANCH (I.E. WINTERFELL)
Sansa and Yara will come to Jon’s aid
She bailed Jon out at the Battle of the Bastards, and by god, she’s going to do it again. We know Jon bailed on the Red Keep, and with the way travel time’s been working lately, we expect he’ll have no trouble joining up with his kid sister next episode. Yep, Sansa has earned yet another “I told you so.” Plus, we haven’t seen her in a while so here’s hoping she dropped Yara a diplomatic line to fortify the north. There are few comforts in Westeros these days but Yara and Sansa racking Jon over the coals is about as good as they come.
There will be a 5-second “this is your fault” off between Jon and Sansa
You said you wouldn’t tell anyone. No, YOU said you would tell anyone. Accusations will be hot-potato’d, but because we have, uh, no fucking time left, this blame game’s bound to be short-lived. We have a series to wrap up.
MISCELLANEOUS WATCH
Euron will still be alive, and Yara will get to kill him properly
A stomach wound? Kill the Cocaine King of Westeros? We think not. He’ll pop out of some closet for one last scare like Jason fucking Voorhees. Let Yara kill her wild-eyed uncle, damn it.
Bronn’s plotline will be resolved
We’re still not sure exactly WTF is going on with Ser Crankypants of the Blackwater—and like, is he still in Winterfell? First: Sansa, you need better guards. Second: if the show is going to bother putting in his whole “give me Highgarden or else” plotline it best be going somewhere. Right? RIGHT? (We’re not sure how it’s gonna end, but somehow we don’t think he’ll be getting Highgarden…).
BIG ENDGAME WATCH
The Iron Throne will be scrapped
Either Daenerys is about to take a seat on the Iron Throne finally, or she’s about to melt it into a puddle, but either way, we’re anticipating the rest of the gang decide that the whole Iron Throne thing isn’t such a great idea.
Jon will refuse power, join the Freefolk, and pet his dog
Jon may not know a lot, but he knows two at least two things: 1) he hates power; 2) he hates heat. Despite pressure to rule the Seven Kingdoms when the dust settles, we suspect Jon will go where he’s comfiest: north, baby. Maester Aemon walked (away from his responsibilities) so Jon could run (also away from his duties). Also, Jon likes to brood, and he’ll probably feel awful about all the people who got roasted in King’s Landing—but then also killing Daenerys—so a self-inflicted Sisyphean punishment of some kind seems highly possible.
Everyone with a claim will die/refuse power except Sansa who will declare the Republic of Thrones
Jon has been doing his best impression of Al Pacino in Insomnia for a couple of seasons now. Let the man sleep. He’s so tired. We’re all so tired. In this figuration, which we’ve been stumping for since the old days, everyone is too humble or too dead for the throne, and someone with Sense (read: Sansa) dissolves the monarchy and kicks off a fresh new political system.
It will all have been a dream
Bran Stark wakes up after his fall from the Broken Tower in season 1. “Wow, what a weird dream,” he says. Roll credits. Somehow, this concept is far less of an inflammatory prospect than it was before this season started.
The Seven Kingdoms will become Seven Kingdoms (plus the Iron Islands) again
The show has set up new lords and ladies for most of Westeros: Sansa in the North, Gendry in the Stormlands, Robin Arryn in the Vale (gross, we know, but unfortunately no one punted him through the Moon Door), the mysterious new Prince of Dorne, Edmure Tully in the Riverlands (we think he lived?), Yara on the Iron Islands, etc. The Reach and the Crownlands are still up for grabs, but you’ve got to leave some room for drama, right?
We will say bye-bye to dragons (also again)
Look, “The Long Night” gave us an extended Jurassic Park homage with Arya re-enacting the “raptors in the kitchen” scene with wights, so it’s hardly a stretch to conclude that Game of Thrones’ bottom line regarding dragons is quite similar to that film’s message regarding resurrecting dinosaurs: cool in theory, terrible idea in practice. So who’s gonna kill Drogon? We’ve got no idea. Maybe he’ll get an infected scratch like his namesake since everything else in this season seems to be about reverting to season 1 anyway.
MERMAN WATCH
RIP Varys, you beautiful merman, you
You fooled everyone. Sleep with the fishes salt boy. You will swim on forever in our hearts.
And without further adieu, this is the tinfoil hat team, signing off for the last time. See you on the other side, folks.
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