The problem with “Worst Movie of the Year” lists is that they’re never even close to being accurate. Sure, they’re typically filled with bad movies — but they’re bad films that were “good” enough to get a theatrical wide release. While it can be fun slinging insults at the latest Adam Sandler film it’s guaranteed to be better than some of the absolute garbage that only gets a release straight to DVD or VOD. Pixels may be bad, but Muck is pure torture.
An actual “Worst of the Year” list would be filled with titles most people haven’t even heard of, and there’s zero fun in that.
Instead we’re listing the year’s most disappointing movies. They’re not all bad, but none of them fulfilled the promise of the talent involved or, in the case of a couple sequels, of the films that came before them. So here, in increasing order of disappointment, are our picks for the year’s biggest letdowns.
15. Bone Tomahawk
RLJ Entertainment
Far too many of you inexplicably love this misfire, so I’m just going to get it out of the way first. A western about frontier cannibals starring Kurt Russell, Richard Jenkins, Patrick Wilson, and Matthew Fox sounds like a guaranteed success, but its execution misses the mark far more often than it strikes its target. Russell is a man born to shoot guns, talk with a drawl, and wear that glorious mustache, and yes, the final thirty minutes feature some brutal action and kills, but far too much of the film’s seventeen-hour running time is a sad and silly slog. Everyone but Russell overacts, characters behave without logic, dialogue feels “written” as opposed to natural, and time is spent on so many inconsequential events. I wish I loved it — I really and truly thought I would — but instead I’m content being a minority of one (and the guy who gets to write this list). – Rob
14. Fantastic Four
20th Century Fox
Josh Trank’s superhero reboot had its fair share of production troubles, and it shows in the final product. Fantastic Four isn’t disappointing because it’s a bad movie, but because it’s mediocre one that shows signs of potential. The first hour takes its time building up these friendships, but then the movie turns into a hot mess once Dr. Doom reappears. After the film jumps forward in time, it abandons its characters and tone. – Jack
13. Aloha
Columbia Pictures
It’s not that we thought Cameron Crowe’s latest would be great — it’s that we truly hoped it would be. Say Anything, Almost Famous, and Vanilla Sky are all immensely memorable films, but the past decade has seen our faith in Crowe in decline, and Aloha might just be the nail in his cinematic coffin. It’s an absolute mess of ideas that barely function individually let alone in conjunction with others, and all of the beautiful Hawaiian scenery and talented performers can’t do a damn thing to help it. – Rob
12. Black Mass
Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.
Some have hailed Black Mass as Johnny Depp’s return-to-form. It’s true — Depp is very good under all that makeup — but it’s a performance serving a strangely unsatisfying crime film. Thematically, there’s not much to contemplate in director Scott Cooper’s film. When it comes to its end, you’re not left with much besides a handful of strong scenes and an intimidating performance from Depp. Cooper has a firm grasp on tension and has a way with actors, but the end result is severely muddled. – Jack
11. Crimson Peak
Universal Pictures
I know, I know. Guillermo del Toro’s latest isn’t a horror movie! It’s a gothic romance! Except it is a horror movie. Sure the gothic romance elements are there too, but the film is packed with (ineffective) jump scares, gory bits, and ghosts. Neither genre really succeeds here — it’s never scary or unsettling, and the dark tale is empty of anything aside from pretty visuals. To be clear, the movie is gorgeous and features some of the year’s best production design, but it’s difficult to care about anyone or anything in it. The characters are all obvious and bland, and the events are more dumb than mysterious. – Rob
10. Southpaw
The Weinstein Co.
Antoine Fuqua (The Equalizer) knows how to craft brutal, R-rated fun. With the exception of Training Day though, compelling drama isn’t quite his forte, and that’s a problem for his newest film. Of course the boxing scenes are exciting, starring a ripped and fully present Jake Gyllenhaal, but Kurt Sutter’s script is more calculated than familiar, and it hits all the familiar boxing drama beats very loudly. – Jack
9. In the Heart of the Sea
Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.
Director Ron Howard has delivered some fantastic films over the years — Ransom, Backdraft, Night Shift — but after a string of mostly duds he returned to top form with 2013’s Rush. So the announcement that he’d be reuniting with Chris Hemsworth for an epic tale of man against nature it was only natural that we got a little bit excited. Unfortunately, aside from some truly spectacular whale action the majority of the film bobs along aimlessly with uninteresting characters, generic squabbles, and “drama” we’ve seen far too many times. It’s still worth seeing in a second-run theater for the whale scenes, but the rest will leave you thirsty for dry land. – Rob
0 comments:
Post a Comment