Billy Zane and Jason Biggs Hilariously Rumored For Spider-Man Villains

Universal Pictures

Here’s to Da7e Gonzalez for making me want to post a superhero movie rumor by implicitly recognizing FSR’s recent article on “how speculation and scoop reporting isn’t entertainment journalism.” He’s not even sure about the validity of this rumor, which makes it all the more fun to highlight.

Also, it’s mostly bonkers. In his latest Marvel column for Latino-Review, Gonzalez shares a leaked preliminary casting sheet for the Spider-Man reboot, noting whether or not each actor is confirmed (as we know Tom Hollander for Spidey and Marisa Tomei for Aunt May are) or in final negotiations or merely in talks.

A lot of the names are young and relatively non-famous, because Hollander’s Peter Parker will be joined by other teens, including school mates Mary Jane Watson (Rachel G. Fox), “Liz Allen” [sic] (Sami Gayle) and Flash Thompson (Jacob Latimore) and pal Harry Osborn (Timothee Chalamet).

The misspelling of Liz Allan’s name might be a giveaway that this is a false leak (also: who spells out Robert Downey Junior?). But I don’t care because I want to point out the two names listed to play the villains: Billy Zane and Jason Biggs, respectively as The Vulture and Scorpion.

Surely the latter is a joke inspired by buzz that a teen movie Spider-Man scripted by John Francis Daley and Jonathan M. Goldstein (Vacation) sounds like American Pie with a superhero. As for Zane, the Titanic baddie is just an automatic punchline. He’d be awesome, sure, but due to the non-famous good guy cast, the villains of this movie need to be played by bigger names anyway.

Sadly, if this is all fake –and given that Daley and Goldstein haven’t likely finished writing the thing and it’s exactly two whole years out from release, that is very likely — then so is the part where Hugh Laurie is listed to play J. Jonah Jameson, which is about as great an idea as any that doesn’t involve J.K. Simmons returning to the role.

For more details, real or not, head to Gonzalez’s column, which also has rumors about the hip look of the new Spidey costume. And let’s just enjoy the imaginary movie this very probably is, because we have until July 28, 2017, to see the actual Jon Watts-helmed reboot and in the meantime it’s fun, I admit, to speculate in a very not-serious manner.

Here’s that leaked image, originally posted to Reddit: